2019 in Review
What a year. Not only as an orbit around the sun, but the concluding year of a tumultuous ten orbits — personally, professionally and globally.
《四面楚歌》
Starting with a Chinese idiom seems appropriate, as I’ve come full circle in the past decade in more ways than one.
2019 could be summed up with the same liminality that marked 2018. Technically, still a nomad seeking to sink roots. I’ve been on the road since November 2017, in the sense that I chose to leave a permanent address and see where life would take me. So far, quite the ride, not all of it positive, but all of it educational.
Dangerous uncertainty was a defining characteristic of 2019. Literally — Ethiopia, Somaliland, Papua New Guinea for work are enough to set anyone on edge, even this adventure-seeking and generally leap-before-you-look Fire Tiger. In PNG I actually thought I might meet my Maker prematurely, a sobering realisation as I did not have my affairs in order. G-C catechumenate, here I come. My dear Greek-Orthodox friend will not have to pull an Antigone to get my corpse six feet under on consecrated ground.
Hargeisa, Somaliland
Spectacular sunrise over Port Moresby
Toxicity was another defining characteristic, thankfully mostly eradicated as this year and decade draws to a close. Litigation and gaslighting, both in a professional context, both settled conclusively. Deo gratias. Having now been on the receiving end of gaslighting, I’m pleased to report that (1) gaslighting is a dangerous behaviour that should be prosecuted, but is nearly impossible to, and (2) poor mental health is and will never be an excuse for… anything, really. Reason, perhaps; excuse, never. Exorcising toxicity — if it literally comes down to that — is the greatest gift you could give to yourself.
That’s the negative but educational half emptied.
On the positive, uplighting half, here’s a tally of what went right in 2019:
secured an invitation to the prestigious biennial Foresight Conference organised by the Singapore Government — engaging in conversation with familiar faces and new was hugely fulfilling, and gave me an increased sense of pride in the calibre of our Civil Service
organised a panel with the United Nations Environment Programme in Nairobi, only to find out a couple of weeks beforehand that I was actually ON the panel — cue mild headless chicken, seeking advice from ex-UN and global-institution folk
closed the biggest contract of my career (to date)
proved that we could holiday as siblings (and toddler niece) without meltdowns — from the adults, not the toddler. Bali to kickstart 2019, and Italy in the summer
Bali beach club life
Venice, before we lose it to rising sea levels
celebrated Orthodox Easter in the Peloponnese, Nafplio and Tolo to be exact, with my new Greek ‘family’ — first time in Greece, and it won’t be my last
You’ve stolen my heart, Nafplio
Where Herakles slew the Hydra
Cakes, after 50 days of fasting!
visited Australia and New Zealand for the first time — as above, and met some of the nicest people on earth
Auckland, City of Sails
visited Ukraine for the first time — I’ve fallen in love with the country and the people, some of the warmest, kindest, most hospitable on earth
Posh pelmeni
upended the ‘it’s hard to make friends in your 30s’ nonsense quite spectacularly — I now consider four wonderful, accomplished women (and attendant husband) friends, all nurtured in 2019. Musician and budding entrepreneur, CEO and entrepreneur, techpreneur, scholar — and one I’d love to get to know better, thankfully I think the sentiment is mutual
spent more time with family, for better or worse — as I was poignantly reminded a few days ago, your career and the people in it aren’t going to lead the mourning procession or perform rites at your funeral
met friends who popped / were nearly about to pop — gaining aunty status is oddly, deeply satisfying, in both the literal and figurative senses — Eva, Lee, Lucien
was invited to speak at the Singapore Embassy in Berlin, Germany, and chose mental health as my topic — its warm reception by an audience of my compatriots was incredibly touching, as was sharing my experiences as part of the subsequent panel
Speaking with His Excellency Laurence Bay
was interviewed by a childhood friend, now a journalist at Singapore’s Business Times, about my views on the Dunning-Kruger effect
marked a decade in an industry and job I never thought I’d be in, which provides a segue into the decade in review…
The Decade in Review
‘Career’ would be the largest and boldest word in my decade’s word cloud. That was borne out of necessity, not accident, and whilst I do not regret the lion’s share of the decade devoted to that pursuit, the time has come to concentrate focus on what truly matters, especially when you take stock at the end of your natural life — personal relationships. Your career is scant comfort when you need it. That said, with a decade in one’s pocket, horizons abound. A much-anticipated 八字 baat-tsi reading on the 3rd January 2020 on trajectory will help direct my steps.
The decade has also taught me much about love and loss, what to do and what not to do in the future. For that I am grateful, despite the pain. A recent revelation that the effects of deeply-rooted trauma may not be so much treatable as containable does not mean I will not continue to work on myself; it means that my way of going about it will be much more sensible.
Sinking roots, apparently, is one way to go about it. Not necessarily in a physical sense, yet it could be. I’m exploring the practice of Tai Chi as a potential way to meld the physical and meta-physical. In that regard, I’ll be following in the footsteps of my late maternal grandfather, an avid practitioner.
This decade also marks coming full circle where ethnic roots are concerned. The glory days of Western empires are long gone, even if they insist otherwise, but the past decade was a remarkably swift decline into a nadir I could not even have anticipated. Due attention to the Global South and the Far East, as deserved. The ascendance of ethno-nativism and xenophobia, driven by a primal anxiety over status and power, will continue to rock the 2020s.
What does the next decade look like? I don’t know, and I’m not going to sell you snake oil pretending that any of us will know what tomorrow brings. That way lies folly and madness. I will, however, tell you what I want, and approximately how I intend to get what I want.
Financial stability — as far as that can be achieved, and perhaps the most straightforward and achievable according to the gifts, privilege and opportunities I have been given.
Fitness — prevention is better than cure. Better to maintain the Big 3 of squats, benches and deadlifts than to find oneself 30 years from now barely able to haul ass from Point A to B.
Health — as above, except this comes with sacrifice. Alcohol and sugar will have to deal with being relegated. Thankfully, my vices are largely epicurean and entirely controllable.
Focus — drop what cannot be fixed; work on what can be. This applies to things / situations as much as people. I won’t let anyone live in my head rent-free.
Development — largely personal and internal, although it starts with removing impeding external factors within my control. More intentionality in approaching each venture or pursuit, more deliberation in mapping steps towards those ends.
Partnership — in life. You really can’t force these things, unless it’s an arranged marriage you want, but it’s not always the case that it ‘happens when it happens’. That could work for some people, but that probably isn’t the case with me. Intentionality is key. If your intentions are clear and pure, you tend to attract what you seek. Life with me may not always be easy (because who is?), but I can guarantee it will be interesting.
Incidentally, the number 六 six in Cantonese is a homonym for 祿 (good fortune / happiness), so I’ll leave it there and not get ambitious with 八 eight.
See you in the next decade, friends! And for a few, I’ll see you in person very soon. All my best wishes.
P. S. A lot has been achieved in the past decade. Choose which lens you want to filter the world through.